Creative Writing Course: How to Write Creatively: Those who can, do; those who can't, teach. Those who can’t do either, write”

A university creative writing class was asked to write a

concise essay containing these four elements:

– religion

– royalty

– sex

– mystery

The prize-winning essay read: “My God,” said the Queen. “I’m  pregnant. I wonder who did it?”

“HOW TO WRITE GOOD!”

Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are

unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren’t necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:

“I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use…

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